Monday, August 02, 2010

What Love's Supposed To Look Like

I just came back from my cousin Julie's wedding. First of all, let me start by announcing to the world that Julie is, without a doubt, my favorite cousin. It's not because she's adorable, whip-smart, funny, talented and really, really nice. It's because she's she's all that and she doesn't have a shred of conceit about it. I hate conceit. I'm guilty of it at times and I hate that too. But I digress.

I'd spent the past year and a half swearing that marriage was not for me. No way, no how. I reasoned that being married would not improve my life in any way. At 45, my child-bearing years are well behind me, so starting a family was out of the question. I'm not exactly the No-Nookie-Till-Marriage type, so sex wasn't a motivating factor. My current living situation is pretty cushy, so I wasn't looking to give up the housekeepers. No, as far as I was concerned, marriage had nothing to offer but piles of dirty laundry and a lifetime of bathroom jokes. Ugh. I couldn't unsubscribe from that mailing list fast enough!

Love has never really worked out for me. There was the one-night-stand that went on for years and years, passion without substance, substance without passion and, most recently, the one who did everything right, but was still the wrong one for me. As is my nature, I started to wonder if the problem was me. I mean, after all, I am the common denominator here. But as a very wise woman pointed out, I will always be the common denominator in ALL my experiences. Duh!

So I wrote off marriage. Whatever. Lot's of people never marry. But the really sad part of this is that I also wrote off love. Not all love. I still love my son, my grandmother and a good glass of red wine. What I wrote off was that Meg Ryan movie kinda love. Which is really, REALLY sad because, okay, I'll admit it, I am shamelessly addicted to romantic comedies. And, for most of my life, I honestly expected love to look and feel like that. But it didn't. So I convinced myself it didn't exist and forgot about it altogether.

But then I went to this wedding and I saw love with my own two eyes. It was in the way they were able to look unflinchingly into each others eyes as they spoke their vows. It was in the way he dipped her several times on the dance floor and she trusted him to do it without dropping her and ending up on YouTube. It was in the way friend after friend took the mike to say what a great couple the were. "The gold standard", someone said. It was in the way of being with each other that made me think, they're like one person inhabiting two bodies.

I imagine that Garrick and Julie will start a family. They may even be successful enough to hire a houskeeper some day. But even if they don't, they still have that look. They have the look that says, "Even if all we ever do together is launder dirty socks, I'd rather do that with you than anything else with anyone else."

I want that.


  1. I like that. Very much. I wish all the best for your cousin and her betrothed.

  2. Shit, I want that too. I am hopeless when it comes to romantic comedies, which is why I wrote one, I guess. But I'm not about to give up on love. My guy is out there, and he will find me -- even if I have to help him out a little . . . Heh.

  3. Anonymous2:50 PM

    This is a beautiful post. It is somehow heart warming to watch two people commit their lives to each other. I cry at every wedding l go to. An old romantic! :)

  4. that was a beautiful way to talk about love though for someone who has given up on it! i hope i find it, because i wont settle for anything less than exactly what you described! i see it everyday with my dad and step mom, its pretty beautiful actually, congrats to them!