Friday, January 22, 2010

Evil, Wicked, Mean and Nasty

Mean people suck. Or do they? For the next few posts I am going to explore the subject of meanness. Mean bosses, mean exes, mean relatives, mean friends, etc. I’ll share some of my experiences and you can share yours. Because really, what’s more fun than exposing the jerks in our lives for who they really are?
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Am I a good witch or a bad witch? I often think of myself as a wicked little cupcake of a woman. So, when I hear my friends’ constant refrain, “Janina, you’re TOO nice!” it throws me. I hate being told I’m too nice. I certainly don’t feel too nice. Believe me, many an evil thought goes through my head every single day. But when it comes to acting on my feelings, my inner Cruella vanishes like an ugly girl’s date at sunrise. (See! That was a mean simile, right?) I have several theories for why this happens.

A) Deep down, I’m afraid of burning bridges.

B) I believe two wrongs don’t make a right.

C) I'm afraid that if I said what I really feel, I’ll do some serious, lasting damage.

D) I absolutely detest meanness in others and don’t want to be that which I hate the most.

If I had a dollar for every mean remark or action I let go by without a snappy comeback or slashed tire, I’d have enough moola to hire a burly thug named Guido and make this post moot. It’s not for lack of vitriol or switchblade either. Believe me, I have spent hours, and I mean hours planning the perfect dismemberment and disposal. This is not the case for my best friend Inna. You’ll learn more about her later. That girl doesn’t strike back. She eviscerates!

Until next time,

Janina

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What Flavor Of Craziness Is This?

I’m naked as I write this. Okay, not really. But every book and article I’ve ever read about the craft of writing has stressed the importance of grabbing my reader’s attention on the first line, so I was feeling a tad desperate. I admit, it was a cheap trick. However, if you’re still reading, it was also an effective trick.

So, um, welcome to my corner of the Blogosphere, my literary pied-a-terre so to speak. I hope you find what you read to be funny, irreverent, perhaps a bit thought-provoking, but most of all, fun. I truly am, as my tag line claims, the woman your mother warned you about, and what’s a Bad Girl if not fun?

Be warned, I make no apologies for the way I am, the things I've done, or the opinions I express. Although I may be a Bad Girl, I am also very much a Nice Girl. Most of my friends will say too nice. So, if you’re here to hurl insults and call me names, I will NOT get into a shit-flinging contest with you. I’ll just delete you. Okay, maybe I’ll mutter “Fuck you asshole” and give you the finger in the process, but really, you have to expect that.

You’ll find me to be a bit of a contradiction at times. While I’m too nice to people who deserve to have their pictures posted in a Google image search for “Jackass”, I’m not too nice to discuss topics that make some people (okay, my son) cringe. Some examples: Ugly kids, relatives who make you wish you were switched at birth, ugly relatives you’re too ashamed to admit you’re related to. Okay, that last one was a bit harsh. I think I’ll skip that one. Among the topics I do intend to explore are:

• Evil Bosses From Hell
• Has Anyone Seen My Mojo?
• Bitch-Slapped By Karma
• If You Really Loved Me, You’d Be My FarmVille Neighbor
• Weight Watchers Points Only Count If Someone Sees You Eat Them
• Naked Emperors and Born-Again Virgins
• Boy Am I Glad Things Didn’t Work Out Between Us!

Hope you come back!